Update

So its been a while since I last posted. Not like anyone actually reads this thing though. Had a horrible Thanksgiving and Christmas isn't going to be any better. I feel like i'm at a really really low point in my life right now and find little motivation to do anything, and the want to escape reality through books and games even greater. I still wish for an Apocalypse of some sort.

Anyways, 2 weeks of vacation start after work on friday so i don't have to work again until January 5th. Nothing planned, just gonna sit at home like always. No real change there. Just more time for reading and video games. And to try and de-stress. Going to look into finding me a massage place.

Ugh. I just hate life right now.

I hate sleep.

Seriously. As soon as I turn the light off and get in bed, I get really hot and sweaty. Then I lay there for a few hours, trying to sleep but unable too. I finally fall asleep around 1AM, then wake up at 4:30AM, same situation. Hot and sweaty and unable to fall back asleep. At some point I doze off, only to wake up again around 6. Only as it gets closer to 6:30, when I need to get up, do I actually become tired enough to sleep. WTF? Why can't i be like that when I want to sleep?

Least We Forget

Today is also Veterans day. The Armistice that ended World War I (The War to End All Wars) was signed at the 11th Hour, of the 11th Day of the 11th Month. I hope you all can find some time to observe a moment of silence for the countless millions who have died, serving both this country and all countries in the world. Their sacrifices have shaped the World into what it is today, and with out the, the World would not be as we know it. For us to be able to live while they made the ultimate sacrifice is truly an honor, and today is the least of what we can do to honor their memory.

Where to start?

There is quite a bit to talk about today. Mostly the results of the election and my thoughts on that. But first I will update you with some family news that will most likely be effecting me today. I can only hope it has a positive turn out.

Over the weekend, my dad wasn't feeling very well. My mom said he had a pain in his side or something. He seemed fine yesterday, but apparently last night he was experiencing pain in his chest. For those who don't know, my dad is in his mid/late 50's and had 5-way bypass heart surgery a few years ago. That is some pretty serious surgery that most people usually have when they are 70+. Not good at all. So these chest pains are like warning bells to him for obvious reasons. So at 1AM my mom took him into the Emergency Medical Center, the same one my Boss went to when he had his heart attack. My mom called me this morning to tell me and they're currently waiting on a cardiologist to come in and check him out. He won't be coming into work today. I can only hope things aren't serious.

As far as the election goes, lets just say I am very worried for this country. My thoughts on it are as follows.

1. We don't need a rookie.
2. The US does not negotiate with terrorists.
3. You shouldn't vote for some one because he is Black.
4. The US is full of ignorant people.
5. We need to get away from the 2-party system.
6. I'd rather not vote then pick between the lesser of two evils.


So, lets see. "1. We don't need a rookie." Obama HAS NO EXPERIENCE in a leadership role. That was clear when he selected Biden as his running mate. Why not elect Biden president instead of Obama then? Given the world situation and the way our country is, I'd rather have some one who has 'been there, done that' in office then some one who is all talk.

"2. The US does not negotiate with terrorists." Obama has already made it a point that he would rather talk then take military action. Showing the world that the US is 'soft' is not a good idea, and people like that nutcase in Iran and all the Terrorists in the World are going to jump all over that. Its not going to be pretty.

"3 - 5." These three points pretty much go hand in hand. Obama is only president because he is black and Americans are ignorant. He has no leadership experience - being the President or whatever at Harvard is not a 'leadership' role in the sense that being the President of the United Sates is. His resume is empty. He might as well be a kid looking for a job straight out of High School, with no resume. Most people aren't going to hire him, but some one will give him a chance. The United States does not need to give anyone - as president - a chance right now. It will collapse the country. While McCain may have seemed identical to Bush Jr., he at least had the experience and knowledge that would make him a powerful President that the nutcases and Terrorists already know not to mess around with.

I also heard a clip on the radio where Howard Stern, I believe, went to Harlem and asked people if they had voted for Obama. If they said yes, he then asked if they supported Obamas stance/ideas on "xxx". The catch was that he didn't use Obamas stance/ideas/policies. He used McCains, yet these people who voted for Obama said that "Yes, they agreed."Wait, what? If you agree with that, you should have voted for McCain! Just proving the ignorance and the 'race' issue.

The Two-Party System needs to go. The majority of Americans don't understand that there are 3rd Parties who are in the running. The 3rd Parties get little exposure, no money, and are blocked from the debates. It wouldn't be unheard of for a 3rd Party to win - its happened before, but not in the modern era - but presently it would be just as likely for a 3rd Party to win as it would be for me to become President.

The next 4 years are truly going to be interesting. I can't say what is going to happen, but so far Obama doesn't seem like anything to me but some one good at talking and blowing smoke up your ass. He is going to encounter serious problems once he begins to fail to deliver on his promises and when he tries to pass more restrictive gun laws.

Digging around in this old town

So, another weekend spent mostly in front of my computer or the TV. Actually did do a good deal of reading. Read a few hundred pages of one book (and finished it) and started reading another. Also got Fallout 3 during the week, but haven't played it too much. I've revisited MTW 2 Kingdoms, with some Mods. I can't wait for Empire TOTAL WAR to come out! COD5 comes out in a little over a week too. So many great games, woot.

I'm otherwise (obviously) still in a rut. Headed back into the woods tomorrow, hoping its not as hot as the previous times. I think it won't be as cool out as it was last weekend, but one can only hope for so much. I'm still undecided on moving.

Fuck it, I can't type right now. Not motivated enough.

I'm only happy when it Rains.

I make no pretense about how much I 'love' Orlando. The people suck. The roads suck. The weather sucks. Everything sucks. The only times it doesn't suck are when there are 'hurricanes' (Fey was a disappointment) or the powerful T-Storms that blow through, or the rain. I was happy to hear the sound of rain when I woke up this morning. Sure enough, it was raining as I drove into work. It changes the landscape. It hides the ugliness of Orlando. It offers a new type of risk. It breaks the monotony of life down here.

I hate it so much down here. For reasons already explained. I think I am going to give it another year- until Thanksgiving '09 before I pack up and leave. Not sure where I would head, but I just can't take it anymore down here. I think I am going to go to New Zealand. Its a beautiful country, low key, and far enough away from people that no one will be visiting me. And the 12 hour time zone difference - perfect! I'd be able to bike too, maybe even commute to work that way, and the people are much more friendly.

I'm so tired...

...of feeling sick everyday, not being able to sleep, and having people think I have some mental disorder (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger_syndrome).

Yeah, I'd have to agree that there is something wrong with me, but the hell if I know what it is. Some things have been afflicting me for so long now that they seem to be the 'normal', to the point where I can't remember a time when they were any different. And sleep....don't get me started on sleeping.

Every morning, when I wake up, my sheet and the heavier cover - once aligned - are completely separated. The sheet is all twisted, the cover is flipped so the 'design' is face down. And my pillows, well, they are all over the place. And that's with only maybe 4 hours of sleep. It takes me hours to fall asleep, and then I usually start waking up around 4PM or earlier, depending on whether its a 'good' night or not. Today, I was up for good at 5:30 AM and ended up getting out of bed at 6, unable to lay around anymore. I got into work at 7AM, 2 hours before anyone else will even show up. Which is why I am sitting here in a stupor writing this.

The weekends are no different. I was actually able to lay around until 8AM on Saturday before getting out of bed! Thats the first time in a long time i've been able to do that and not go crazy. Funny, since I lack the motivation to get up and exercise.

So yeah, I am tired of it all. Somethings wrong with me and I don't know what and am not going to do anything about it.

Another Weekend Wasted

Just sitting here, nothing to do, no where to go. Same old story, really. Been looking lately at finding a Soccer League, just for something to do, but of course, my life story even finds me here: The Wrong Side of Town. Everything is on the OTHER side of Orlando. Not to mention the season is already in full swing, so I will have to wait till February. Hopefully a team has an opening for me then. I just really need to get out and have a change of scenery every once in a while. My room is getting awfully small since I never seem to leave it these days.

Blah.

Brief Update

So saw the ankle doctor yesterday. Got to have a needle stuck into my ankle joint and wiggled around, until he figured that the needle was clogged. So he got a new one and did the same thing, though this one actually worked. THAT was fun. Felt good, actually, afterwards, but today...PAIN in the joint! He said it would feel stiff, not painful. Hopefully thats not a bad thing? Really only hurts going up and down the stairs. And laying down with knees bent during physical therapy for the back.

Worst case scenario with the ankle, since i naturally walk on outside of feet, is to have surgery where they break my heel bone and reset it so i walk more along the inside of my foot - as it is, i risk suffering chronic ankle issues. They could also go in and clean up the scar-tissue. Neither sound too fun, and I'd rather avoid both if possible.

Back therapy is helping, though i think its a problem i am always going to live with. In all honesty, I think the root of its cause is the ankle, and the subtle motions i take when walking due to bad ankle.

On a side note, the receptionist at Physical Therapy place is pretty cute. She addresses me by first name these days, but I am too shy to really talk back to her. I day-dream of asking her out to dinner, but fear of rejection and just utter lack of self confidence won't ever allow me to do that, as much as i dream about the pleasant...results of such a thing. But I am fat and ugly and very unattractive. People only stare at me because of my vast amount of freckles, and fatness. I am just destined to live the rest of my life alone in solitude.

Ah, such is life. Nothing ever goes my way these days.

Update

MRI revealed nothing of note, though the problem persists. The meds made me sick, but I don't have to take them anymore, and physical therapy so far hasn't shown any real results. I must admit that the back issue is not as...powerful as it was before, but it is still there. I am due to meet with the Ankle Doctor next Tuesday and will most likely need to get an MRI done on my hip if the ankle/groin thing happens again this weekend.

Oh yeah, going back into the Swamp this Sunday. Got to set up a tree stand, and scout out the other area (north side). Apparently, no one ever thought to make a map of the area (perhaps because it is a swamp?) which would be incredibly useful...alas, 'useful' and 'florida' don't belong in the same sentence.

Take me for who I am.

I know I am rather scatter brained when it comes to these blogs, but its not like anyone is even reading them (except for me) and it lets me get things off my chest (so to speak) that I otherwise wouldn't be able to get off. So my trouble sleeping, despite yesterday morning being the last pill I had to take, continue, and last night was pretty rough. A lot of hallucinating/not sure what was a dream-what was real type of stuff. Anyways, I was just thinking about things that set me off etc when it comes to relationships.

Take me for who I am, not who I am not.

I really don't know how to say it any better then that. Looking back at my past relationship, I think she took me for who I am not (her ex) rather then for who I am (me). Its a relatively simple explanation I guess, but I think its fitting.

I don't try to pretend to be something/someone I am not. I will freely admit I'm not a manly-man...i never go to the gym to pump weights, i don't drink or do drugs, I don't get in trouble (with friends/family, the law), I don't act all tough, and I don't socialize well. But thats just the way I am, whether you like it or not.

Physically, i'm not the biggest guy and I know that. I can hold my own, but chances are i'm not going to make you feel 'secure'. I like to avoid conflict too, so i tend to run away from things. I've never been a social person, and think I am just one of those people who sorta floats around between groups (like I did in HS) with no real friends. Its better off that way - non of that stupid macho bullshit of guys trying to one-up each other, hit on each others girls, prove who can drink more, etc. Call me what you will, but i'm just not a competitive guy in that manner. I don't feel the need to compensate for my short comings.

I don't compete in that manner: I am the take-it-or-leave-it kind of guy. I don't compete for attention/love. If you're trying to play me off of other guys or something, then you might as well not bother including me in the scenario. Like above, i'm not going to act any different to win something then I normally would act. So don't bring extra baggage into a relationship. If I can't provide you with all the attention you need, then obviously we aren't meant to be together.

I can think of several instances where this was a factor in things. Don't play me. Past and present relationships haven't worked out because there were other guys that factored in. I don't do the rebound thing, or the fallback thing either. As far as ex's are concerned, they shouldn't factore into our relationship at all. No talking to them, no hanging out with them, etc. It complicates things more then they are worth. Look elsewhere if you still want them in part of your life. I don't deal with crap like that.

So, take me for who I am, not who I am not. And don't expect anything different. Sure, I will mold around whoever I am dating, as is natural thing to do, but don't expect me to go from anti-social to social-butterfly. Its not going to happen.

I don't like the...

...drugs at all! Make me feel sick to the stomach all day, leave a nasty taste in my mouth, and really don't do all that much to relieve the pain in my back. Not only that, but they make me more restless then normal at night, and now I'm down to about 3 - 4 hours of sleep a night, whereas I was getting about 6 before the drugs. And THAT (3 - 4 hours) is with the help of Melatonin! Thankfully, of the 21 pills in the pack, spread out over 6 days, I only have to take 1 when I get up tomorrow and thats it! Took the 2nd-to-last-one about 30 minutes ago ("before bed") so yay? Hopefully I start feeling better.

I go to the doctor to find out results from the MRI at 9:30 AM on 9/30 this week (easy to remember, woot) and then have more physical therapy on Wednesday and Friday morning. Hopefully its only good news from here. I'll be sure to ask about what I should do with the ankle, since I'm headed back out to the Swamp in a week, if all goes to plan.

Hm, really not much else to report on. The Phone-system at work is all set up now, thank god, despite the number of Mitel Idiots who set the thing up. Thats a rant for another day though. Lets see....yeah, thats about it. Typical weekend for me. Watched my Arsenal get shocked 2 - 1 at home by Hull City, despite dominating the whole game. Had plenty of chances to put things away but just couldn't deliver. Lets hope the Jets pull off a victory over the Cardinals tomorrow, eh?

So i've also been putting some more thought into getting tattoos. Not just one, at least 3 I think. I think I've mentioned them here before, but I'm also thinking of adding something more Irish to my arms too or something. Don't really know yet and have lots of details to work out. Not to mention finding pictures and an artist to get things straightened out.

Mellow Out

So, the drugs are starting to take effect on me. Spent the day with an upset stomach and still feels that way. Luckily, I am 15 pills through the 20 I have to take by monday. Last night was also a rough night. I felt sleepy early so went to bed early, but ended up laying in bed for 4 hours before falling asleep. Which meant I wasn't asleep until closer to 2 AM, and spent the night tossing and turning. Got 2, maybe 3 hours of sleep (despite also taking Melatonin) and woke up with really achy shoulders from all the tossing around.

Tomorrow, not going into work until after Physical Therapy, which is at 10AM. So will be at work around 11:30AM. Which means I can lay around in bed for as long as I want to before getting up. Just as long as I am out of here by 9:15AM to get to Physical Therapy on time. First one, of not sure how many, so hopefully things start getting better for me.


I've also decided that The Dropkick Murphys are my most favorite band at the moment. "Fairmount Hill" and "Johnny, I hardly knew Ya" are my two most favorite songs at this time. You might recognise the second one, or at least its tune. Very catchy and memorable.

I've also been thinking of doing some of the following things:

1. Digging up my Granddads (dads side) RAF Logbook from WWII (its MIA at the moment) and finding out and documenting his brief service at the end of WWII.
2. Searching into my families history to find the service records of my family. My Grandmothers (dads side) half of the family had a long service in the British Army. Rourkes Drift, in the Boer/Zulu Wars is apparently a place where either a member of my family died or served. Rourkes Drift was made famous in the..1964 (i think) movie called 'Zulu'.
3. Get a Tattoo...or three. I'm Irish, so I've got lots of freckles, so the best spot at the moment seems to be my back. "Lest We Forget", a portrait of my Granddad, a Lancaster Bomber Mk II, and a 'Helmet/Boots/Gun Graveside' are my plans, though not sure layout, when, or if the back is truly the best spot. Not to mention needing to find an artist etc.


So,thats a brief update and things for me at the moment. Oh yeah, since my iPOD Classic went through the wash and, er, died, I ended up getting an iPOD TOUCH to replace it. So far, its freaking awesome. :)

Medical Mayhem

Sunday sent into motion several things. First of all, I was up at the butt crack of dawn like always, dressed in my Camo, and headed out to pick up TJ. We then headed out to Green Swamp under a foggy/misty/cloudy sky. We marched around in a swamp for about 5 hours before nearly dying from heat exhaustion due to the high humidity, and the 100+ degrees it was by the time the sun broke through. I saw some cool things in the swamp:

1. My First Florida Gator. It was about 10 yards away from us, about 3 - 4 feet long, and there was a pool of water between us. Pretty cool though.

And not so cool:

1. Spiders. Lots of giant Spiders. The largest was about the size of my hand. I HATE spiders. Esepecially exotic, poisonous ones. Oh yeah, I also saw a Brown Recluse. Argh.

Otherwise, it was a pretty fun day. Until my ankle started to swell about 2 hours into the trek, which then caused my groin to strain. This happened hiking in Lake Tahoe a few months ago, but at the time I thought I had over stretched. Now I know for a fact that the swelling of my ankle is effecting my groin. NOT GOOD.

Luckily for me, I was headed to the Doctor on Monday, only not for the ankle but for the Sciatia in my back. Turns out i've been right all along and its a pretty big one. Causes my leg to go numb - most recently when kicking a soccer ball around - amongst other issues. Usually the worst when I wake up or stand up after laying down for a while. Might or Might Not be related to ankle injury. Today I had an MRI as X-Rays showed that my spine (i wonder if i can keep the x-rays?) was all in the right place so it could be a dislocated disc or something.

And that searing pain i get occasional just below my left shoulder...apparently thats a seperating rib that is 'not of concern' at the moment. The Ankle/Groin issue could be serious, since its a hip/joint problem. But I might need to see another doctor to get that checked out etc.

So yeah, fun times for me. >.<

Expenses

Bills keep piling up. Things I need to buy, things that I don't but still do. And now i've got to replace my iPod, as somehow it managed to go throw the wash undetected until it was in the dryer. Its been several hours and it still won't turn on. I think its toast :( So that could cost me another $200...great. On the plus side, since my Promotion Pay hasn't kicked in yet, I am still hourly based, and worked from 7:30AM Friday to 1AM Saturday in the office.

Yes, thats right. About 18 hours at work. Installing a new phone system with TJ, and we're still not done. It got to the point where we were too tired, too pissed off at the idiot MITEL workers, that we decided to do the last dozen phones when we get to work on monday.

Speaking of Monday, thats going to be hell day. We're going to get calls all day long, wondering how to work the phones, how to program them, etc. And I have to leave around noon for my doctors appointment to get my back looked at. My medical documents from NJ arrived by mail today, and I read through them. I wasn't aware that i was THAT close to needing surgery on my ankle. If its still not healed right, it looks like i just might need that surgery afterall, though the doctor tomorrow probably won't be able to tell me that (he's a spinal type doctor or something, looking at my back). So, fingers crossed on that. If i have surgery, I won't be able to drive (right foot) which would put a huge hole in my schedule.

Gotta get up around 6:30 tomorrow and get ready for scouting. Hopefully my camelback isnt broken - its brand new and I think it might have a leak in it. >.< Not good, since it'll be my only source of water tomorrow when out in the 100 degree heat and humidity of Green Swamp. Couldn't find a Blaze Vest either (the cheap ones) at Bass Pro Shop, but luckily I won't need to wear one tomorrow. I hopefully won't forget anything that I need tomorrow. Gotta remind myself to use the DEAD DOWN WIND stuff when I shower too, so the deer can't smell me and ruin the hunt for the Archers.

Well, random yes, but i've got to go to bed now. No IPOD though, so will listen to my PC for a while then shut it off once i start getting sleepy. In an hour or two.

Beginning of a new dawn...

Sunday will be the first time I head into the woods with TJ, clad in Mossy-Oak Camo from head to toe, wearing Snake-Bite (proof) boots and possibly lugging 50lbs of gear deep into the Wildlife Management Park. We'll be quiet, and hope an Archer doesn't mistake us for a Deer - their broadhead arrows would surely cause some grievous damage if not out right death if struck. "So," you might say, "why are you going out into the woods during Archery season?". Why, the answer to that is simple: to go scouting. This sunday is the only day TJ has been able to get free to do so, so we're going to trek into the swampy lands to check up on his two treestands - if they are still there and in working condition, we will most likely be moving them to a new spot, and scouting for suitable places to set up.

Looking at Google Maps of the area, i've picked out a spot a half mile or two North of where TJ's treestands are currently position, where trees give way to clearing/swamp area. I figure some deer, skirting the swamp, will pass that way. I'll check for tacks etc before setting up, but its something I am looking forward to this weekend.

Tomorrow is also going to be Hell Day. At work, we are switching phone systems, so will be making the switch over tomorrow night, after everyone leaves. That means setting up 30 phones, hoping they all work, changing the system/servers, etc. I'm not expecting to leave until around midnight, if not into the AM of Saturday. Fingers crossed.

Brief

So, been amazingly busy at work for once, getting things prepped for the new phone system switch this Friday night. Also might possibly go scouting with TJ, my coworker, on Sunday down where we are going to go hunt. Depending on if we can find his Tree-Stands or not, we might/might not do a weekend-long camping hunting trip in the area come Hunting Season in November. I'm excited, in either case, to go on my first hunting trip when that comes around.

Also going to the doctors on monday, around noonish. Going to get my back and ankle checked out, as I'm pretty sure its NOT a good thing that my ankle still swells up during/after any sort of activity (like kicking a soccer ball). My back, well, theres a little lump right now to my spine, around waist-band line height up. Its a Sciata (i think) as my right leg goes numb from time to time, and was even going numb while kicking the soccer ball around. The two (ankle/Sciata) could possible be related, but since they are more then a nuisance right now i've finally decided to go get checked out to see if there is anything I can do about it.

Whispers the Wind...

I'm a loner and I do not have any friends. I am not going to get in a debate about what classifies as a friend, but I clearly do not have any. Nor do I need any. I've come to the conclusion that the only person I can trust is myself, and that I came to that conclusion during Freshman year of HS. I'm done with relationships and drama. Nothing is ever as it seems. And I don't think I'll ever be able to bring myself to trust some one again. My fondest memory from college says a lot about this.

I went to school at Susquehanna University, in the Middle-of-nowhere, PA. A small school of 2,000 and a smaller town. Beautiful campus, especially in the winter - which is also where this memory takes place. As my room mate at the time can attest, I'd bundle up in jeans, winter boots, t-shirt, winter jacket, and my Arsenal wool hat, along with my ipod (slipped inside interior pocket of my jacket) and I'd head outside. Always after 9PM. Walking the perimeter of campus twice in a row at the least was my most favorite thing to do. The cold, crisp air is more then refreshing. The whiteness of the snow in the lamplight, lying untouched across the ground, crunching under my feet, settling on my shoulders. That was pure bliss.

The world takes on a different appearance at such a time, majestic in its beauty and a far cry from how I know it really is. It all combines to clear my head, let me collect my thoughts and just chill out with out any sort of interruption or unwanted noise. No cars would drive by, I'd maybe - maybe - see a handful of people at best the entire time.

I miss being able to do that. I miss cold weather. And snow. The closest I came to that same sort of bliss was when Tropical Storm Fay came by, and I went in my parents pool during the worst of it. I'd lay in the pool, two noodles keeping me afloat, ears under the water so I couldn't hear the howling of the pool, and the pattering of the rain was only faint. That sort of calmness in the middle of such a storm, clouds swirling overhead, is very had to replicate. It would have been better if I was home alone and knew my parents couldn't look out and see me, but one can only hope for so much.

I'm going to return to the North one day, where the cold does reign and the snow does fall. I need that solitude, that shelter, that calmness. Its the one thing I am missing most in my life, and I plan to take my last week off work this year in between Christmas and New Years Day, and hopefully spend it somewhere cold and snowing.

*faceplant*

I hate my life. I got promoted at work yesterday, which includes mainly a pay raise which is nice, but all the happiness from that went right out the window about three minutes ago. So, I've got my headphones on, and hear my phone buzz faintly. Text from my room mate about rent money. So i'm like ok, thats fine. Two minutes later, I think I hear my phone ringing again. This time its an incoming call. In the middle of playing SPORE, so I don't even bother to really check the number, thinking its room mate in regards to rent money. I pick up the phone. "Hey" "Hey?" "Hey?" Hey?!" "Hows it going..." Didn't believe my ears at first, but its the Ex calling. IF ONLY I HAD CHECKED THE NUMBER AND THOUGHT FOR 3 SECONDS BEFORE PICKING UP! Of course, just calling to 'talk' so I really don't know what she is all about. I dunno if I should call her back and tell her I don't want to talk to her again or something. I feel like I am in the middle of No Mans Land and both sides are about to attack each other - I don't know where to RUN!

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

...is a GREAT movie! If you've never seen it, you're missing out on cinematic history! Not to mention i'd love to own the soundtrack (if there is one) of the movie. Anyways, that's not what this post is about.

First, the Good. Recieved an email today from an Editor of an Online Gaming Magazine. I'd been talking to him a few months ago about writing for him, but they didn't have any openings at the time. Back then, he did say try back in September. So, I was pleasantly surprised when I got an email from him today asking if I was still interested! I had actually been thinking about sending him an email at the end of this week about it anyways, so that worked out in my favor. At any rate, it'll be a week long "Internship" to see if they like my style and get a feel for my schedule. Hopefully some good comes out of it? Will be great exposure for me and my first real writing job.

As for the Bad, well...since I really don't know who reads this, and this link is posted on Facebook, I won't name any names. But, I think in a brief time span I might have developed a little crush on a certain some one, and have been vaguely talking to them on said Facebook (if that doesn't give it away I don't know what will)...though based on the 'reception' i've recieved i've come to the conclusion that I completely misread her signals and she was just being friendly towards me the brief time we spent together. (with other people around of course). So yeah, today makes second failure at communication over that 'great' thing called AIM. Cold-shoulder response. So yeah, I'm done with it/over it. I was wrong anyways, so what does it matter?

And the Ugly...and no, i'm not talking about 'the Elephant'. (Keep that reference in mind for a later blog). So i was having a relatively decent day, even did a little food shop. Come upstairs turn my computer on and then *BEEP*. I said 'Damnit' and waited for the BEEP to sound again. Yep, my fire-alarm is beeping. Nifty little thing compared to the last one I, uh, tampered with. Popped it out of the ceiling, but its still connected by three electrical wires, which would explain why it is still beeping even after I removed the battery (which was hidden in a slot that required a button to be pushed to remove). Don't have any batteries for it, and waiting to hear back from my other room mate about whether she has any batteries. Was considering exchanging it with 'the Elephants' battery, but i'm not that cruel (honest). Luckily, these headphones dampen out outside noises pretty well and I can always turn my music up louder, but the BEEP still gets through. Really annoying, and puts a damper on my day.

Alright, thats all for tonight.

I'll catch you on the flipside.

*blink blink*

When I was younger, probably around 6th - 8th grade, my family moved back to England. We sold EVERYTHING and our house was up for sale. We stayed for all of 6 days in England before returning to the US, taking our house off the market. Neither me nor my siblings wanted to leave the United States - my little sister, for one, had no memory of England and had grown up in the states, while me and my older sister had made friends and had settled in - and apparently nor did my parents. I don't know what prompted the move in the first place and i've never thought to ask my parents about it. But when we returned, to our old house that we didn't sell, all our neighbors and friends were happy. Those who had bought goods from us wanted to return them, but my parents refused. That meant living with out a TV.

Most people would groan about that, and kids this days would probably die with out a TV. Honestly, I wasn't all that upset. I didn't watch TV very much, and my weekends were usually consumed with soccer practice and soccer games. (Yeah, I used to be pretty fit when I was younger). I've always been a loner, and I still am, so had very few friends, and can hardly recall a time when I hung out with friends from school. I did ride my bike to a friend from my soccer teams house, and I suppose that's who I spent most of my time with. Its been years since I last talked to him, and can't recall how or when our friendship ended.

Anyways, that left me with a lot of free time. I'd play with my legos, turning complete sets into monstrocities of lego. I'd wage mini wars between the 'Imperials' and the 'Bad guys', build large fortresses and cool vehicles and ships. As I grew older, that happened less and less, and I turned towards a greater mental challenge, something that could not only keep me preoccupied but feed my brain and magic me away from the real world for hours on end. I turned to reading.

In those three or four years we spent with out a TV, I think I read something close to 300 - 400 books. No joke. And not little 100 page books. I can recall a couple books that approached 800 - 1000 pages, with most being over 200 books. I read a few Historical books and mainly Fantasy and Sci-Fi books. "The Hobbit" and "Lord of the Rings" were some of the first ones I read - when I was 12. YEARS before they even considered turning them into the movies that made the books extremely popular again. The same with "The Golden Compass" and the books in that triology. I read countless other books too - some more mainstream then others. The Wheel of Time, Shardik. I don't remember names well, so I wouldn't be able to tell you how many different authors or series I read, but I can gurantee you that if i picked up one of those books again, i'd know immediately whether or not I read it and I'd be able to recall exactly what happens.

I'm not sure how I do it, but thats why I can never read a book more then once. Theres no challenge there, no suprises - I already know how its going to end, who is going to die, and everything else about the book.

Lately, I've had trouble finding books to read, or discovering that series I out-read have new books. I'm tempted to go back to them, but I know it won't be the same as reading the series the first time through. I try to be more selective now, picking books that are in a completed series. It doesn't always work out that way, but the amount of books I read each year has greatly diminished.

You might be wondering what brought this all about. Well, I feel like I just woke up from a nap after a little under 3 hours of reading, finising a two-book series. It was pleasant, not the best stuff i've read, but it feeds that part of me that is seldom feed these days. 300 pages in 3 hours isn't bad either, but i've had years of practice. And the book was engaging enough to draw me in like that. When I stopped reading, I felt like it would 1 or 2 AM in the morning, which usually happens when I get drawn in that much. But nope, it was only 9:30ish and I had eaten dinner around 6:15ish (PM, mind you) before picking up the book. So now I wonder where my night went. >:-)

No, now I wonder what that next thing to challenge my mind will be.

The Life of Me.

Those who know me know that I listen to a wide range of music. Everyday. The iPod is probably the most used thing I own. I like everything from Classic Rock, to Hard Rock, Heavy Metal, Folk Metal, Punk, Rap, and everything in between. Bands like Queen, Jimi Hendrix, Nirvana, Rammstein, Korpiklaani, Flogging Molly, DMX, Marilyn Manson and Metallica. Of course, I like certain bands more then others but I generally listen to my iPod on 'Shuffle'.

Pandora.com has helped me discover bands too. I discovred Korpiklaani and The Dropkick Murphys through listening to the Flogging Molly station, for instance. I listen to certain music when I am doing certain things. My 'Irish' Music helps me write. My 'Heavy' Music helps me when I'm playing video-games.

I have trouble trying to sleep. I'll lay in bed for hours before sleep finally claims me, no matter how tired I am. I've tried all sorts of things to try and correct it. The activity of the day, the food i eat, none of that effects my sleep, so its not like i'm eating sugar right before I'm going to bed. I just can't sleep. I think its some sort of chemical imbalance, and the brief time I took Ambien, it still took me about an hour to fall asleep but i was at least able to sleep a good solid 6 - 8 hours with out waking up.

Thats the other thing, you see. I have trouble falling alseep and I have trouble staying asleep. The slightest noise, the slightest light change, anything, will wake me up. Its why I can't sleep in in the morning. Once the sunrises, I might as well get out of bed too. I also don't like wasting the day away by staying in bed until noon, like some people I know. By the time you get up, the day is half over and you've missed out on a lot.

But music, i think, helps me. I listen to it as I lay in bed and sometimes fall asleep with it going on. The only bad thing about this is that i'll wake up an hour or two later because the music is still playing. It helps me focus, and I listen to it all day on the weekends, whenever I am sitting at my computer. I can't deal with quiet when I am awake.

The Dropkick Murphys, the most recent band I've discovered, are pretty awesome. Love the lyrics, love the music. Heres a sample of what they're all about, though this song is rather calm compared to the rest:


The Green Fields of France - The Dropkick Murphys


Enjoy/Comment.

Three Nil to the Arsenal!

Yeah, there are two things I LOVE about this time of Year: FOOTBALL! (Both the American and European Versions). What Americans have come to call "Soccer" is one of my favorite - if not THE Favorite - sport for me to watch and play. The EPL (English Premier League) kicked off about two weeks ago - today being start of Week 3. My team, Arsenal (Arsenal Gunners) are ranked Top 3 virtually every year despite fielding one of the youngest - but most talented - teams around. Anyways, they lost one and won one out of their first 2 games, showing extremely poor form. Just weren't clicking together. This past midweek matchup against FC Twente (Dutch team I believe) in the Champions League saw them mesh together with a 4 - 0 win. Today, they were supposed to be tested by Newcastle United, who had done well last week to draw 1 - 1 with Manchester United (whom I despise, and is also a consistantly top-3 Team in the EPL, Chelsea FC rounding out the trio). Fortuneately, the Gunners decided to play vintage Arsenal Football, which is 2nd-to-none in Europe with their passing game. The result? A Three-Nil (3 - 0) win over Newcastle, with a brace of goals from RVP (Robin van Persie) and a late tap in by Dennilson (19 yrd old Brazilian). Could have been a lot higher, if not for some good goalkeeping and unlucky finishes. Hopefully this form continues.

American Football kicks off this upcoming Thursday. I'll state it hear and now that I am a J - E - T - S JETS JETS JETS Fan! This Offseason was truly intriguing, with the addition of Brett Favre stirring things up. On a side note, something odd about Arsnenal and the Jets....the QB for each team (in Soccer, is a Midfielder typically called the General of the team) both share the same number - FOUR! (4). Brett Favre = #4, Cesc Fabregas = #4. Opposites ends of the age spectrum...Fave = 39, Fabregas = 21. Anyways, back to the Jets....an improvement over last season is more then expected, just a matter whether or not they'll make the playoffs this year. Looking forward to the matchup against the Patriots. Favre doesn't answer the long term QB situation, but will be a good teacher for the younger QB's on the team.

So I got sidetracked there, not to mention the NFL realyl hasn't kicked off yet, so not much more to share about them. In other news, I think I've found a new favorite band. Thanks to Pandora.com, listening to Flogging Molly station, I kept hearing songs by the Dropkick Murphys. So on a whim, I bought their 'The Warriors Code' Album and LOVE IT! (Also got the latest/newest Flogging Molly CD - 'Float') The Dropkick Murphys are GREAT! I guess i might as well ignore the fact I hate Boston (since it is the land of the America-Irish) and the BoSox World Series is mentioned in the song called 'Tessie'. Great stuff though, fits in well with my Flogging Molly and even my Korpiklaani stuff (A Band from Finland) not to mention the Scottish Pirates I love so much (Alestorm).

I find it amusing that half these bands I love and songs I listen to are all about drinking ("A wench by my side and a jug of mead, these are the things that i most need." - Alestorm) cus I mean, what Irish song ISN'T about drinking? Still, I don't drink and have no reasonable explanation for it beyond the fact that I don't drink ANYTHING unless I am thirsty (no binge drinking of any sort for me) nor do I like the taste of Beer or Wine or most other alcoholic beverages. So, 'nuff said. Drop it already.

So distracted again, this time by facebook. Got an unexpected email from an old friend whom I have not seen in...hmm....5 years or so? Haven't talked to her in about that long too, so just spent the last half hour writing her an epicly long response (despite trying to keep it short) basically filling her in on whats been going on and why the hell I am in the 6th Ring of Hell. Oh, in laymans terms, thats ORLANDO.

The Last Time...

Things in my life have finally settled down. At least, as much as they ever will. Jenn is completely out of my life now - I have nothing here that is hers or reminds me of her, nor do I have her on AIM or my PHONE anymore. Completely done with her and that part of my life. I think i'd even dare to say that I am over her and ready to move on. A month or so ago, things all just seemed to click together about her and how things were between us. I'm not going to go into all that, but i've basically concluded that it was one of those life-learning experiences - in the sense i learned a lot about myself, the person I am, and the person I want to be with.

For starters, I have a few things that are a MUST in a girl:

1. Short - I'm only 5'10", and girls love to wear heels. Nothing taller then 5'6"....5'7" is OK too. 5'8" might be pushing it.

2. Athletic - I like being active. I want to live an active lifestyle. So, I expect the same from my partner.

3. Animal Lover - I love most animals. Cats I can tolerate, but given the choice, I wouldn't live with any. Dogs - now thats something I want in my future. I'm leaning towards a Visla - highly active dog, but that should fit right into my lifestyle.

4. Intelligence - I like a girl with brains, it challengs the mental side of me. If you can't tell me where Georgia is (the Country, not the State) then you're probably not going to be able to hold many intelligent conversations with me. Sure, I might talk techy a little bit (everyone should know what a Cat5 Cable is...) but since its my current career, I'd appreciate it if you made an attempt to learn/understand what I am talking about. I will, on the other hand, make all atempts to show interest and learn from you about your job and any terminology you may use.

5. Down to Earth - Keep your head out of the clouds, thankyouverymuch. Its even better if you're aware of whats going around you too.

6. Honesty - this is probably one of the biggest things for me. I try to be pretty truthful and honest around everyone I know, even if its not what they want to hear. If i'm committed to you, in a relationship, then you've got nothing to worry about. I'm not going to run off with some one else or cheat on you. I'll respect your wishes too. I expect the same sort of treatment from you. (This ties into #2 down below). If, for whatever reason, you do cheat on me I expect you to own up to it immediately - i'd rather hear it from you then one of your friends. And DON'T say you're sorry - if you were, you'd never have done it in the first place.

Some things a girl should NOT be:

1. Materialistic - Sorry, doesn't cut it for me. I don't like snobby people, who love you based on how large your wallet is.

2. Extra Baggage - still sorta kinda seeing some one? Have some one on back-burner? Open relationship? Juggling a few guys? Then I'm not interested. I'm not going to compete for attention from some one like that. If you can't commit to one guy, then don't bother talking to me.

3. Smokers - Can't stand it. I've seen plenty of hot girls but get completely turned off when I see them puffing on a smoke to the point where i'd reject them if they were interested in me. [Not that a hot girl has ever approached me before.]

4. Dishonesty - Small lies turn into big lies, which turn into major problems. A relationship is all about trust - if I can't trust you about simple, little things, how can I trust you in a relationship?

Take that list as you will. Its kind of my checklist when dealing with new relationships.


As for me and my life, I have no idea what the next few years have in store for me. I think it would be safe to say that I will have moved away from Florida by 2010 though where too is still very much up in the air. In my current situation and my single status in no danger of changing anytime soon, its safe to say that by 2011 you'll find me in one of the following places (listed in order of preference):

1. New Zealand (South Island)
2. British Columbia (West Coast of Canada)
3. Colorado (Denver Area/Boulder)
4. NJ/NYC Area (Hometown Area)

Places I don't want to live can be summed up like this:

1. Florida
2. The South (Southern States)
3. Boston (Go JETS!)

So that takes care of that.

I'm using this weekend as a launching off point that will get me back on the rails. I haven't ridden by bike in about 2 months and still need to lose at least 10 lbs. I need to try and eat healthier too, though have little motivation to do so and what I have been eating is easy and cheap. Going to the GYM is out of the question - can't afford a gym membership at this point and don't think I could drag myself there after work, not to mention it cuts down on gas usage. Getting active again will be nice, and i'll be spending a few weekends this year out in the woods - not true camping/hiking, but about as close to it as you can get her in Florida.