I hate how complicated things get.
My note apparently did the trick, she left me one with her phone number, and we ended up cuddling on her bed. It was the first of three nights in a row we slept in the same bed together. She was in my bed the last night and I walked her to her car to send her on her way at 5AM. I noticed she had kept the note I had given her too and gave her a last parting kiss.
Am I supposed to call her? Pursue her over the vast distance that seperates us? I haven't been this interested in anyone in over 2 years and this situation is all new to me, but I have no guidance or clue as far as what to do.
Me, being a realist, thinks that nothing will happen out of it, that it is best not to pursue as it was a 'one time thing', and would never work due to distance and rarity of seeing each other etc...and that being Hayleys roommate is too weird for her.
Friday, August 7, 2009
Monday, August 3, 2009
Life
So life has an odd way of throwing curveballs at you, all at unexpected times.
Two weeks ago today my dad had his second heart surgery, this time one to replace a valve with a bovine valve and to have his Aorta replaced by a synthetic Aorta. I mean, holy cow, his fucking AORTA was replaced? The most major, vital blood artery in your entire body. Pretty serious stuff, and modern medicine is just amazing. I hate to think about the person who was the very first test subject for that type of surgery. The surgery went off without a hitch, apart from a stroke my dad suffered during it.
I saw him in the hospital before they knew he had a stroke and he was struggling just to give one word answers. After an MRI they discovered it had been a 'mild' stroke that was affecting his speech. In the 2 weeks its been since then, he has gotten progressively better despite his most unusual vocabulary. The best way to describe it is 'Sophisticated Englishman'. He has been using words i have never heard from him before, but at least he is able to respond relatively quickly now and can talk in sentences, though when answering a question it takes him a bit of time to respond.
Its been especially hard on my mom but luckily my older sister was down her for the surgery, and my younger sister arrived in time to take my dad home once he was released. I don't think he should come back to work for at least a month since he really needs and deserves an extended vacation free from the stress of work. He normally works 7 days a week which can't be good for him given his known heart conditions.
On the other end of the spectrum, I've fallen quite hard for a girl from Boston who happens to be my room mates best friend and has been staying with us for the past week and will be here through thursday morning before heading home to Boston. Its very rare for me to be able to say some one has a funnier accent then I (living in Florida, I have an English/NewJersey Accent and am immediately labeled a foreigner). She is a really amazing girl and we seemed to click right away. Well, after I got over the shock of coming downstairs and finding a stranger sitting on my couch (my room mate not having informed me anyone would be staying with us - good thing I wasn't walking around naked!).
Me being me, I am incapable of pulling a move despite getting the impression that she likes me. But half the time I think a girl is into me, I am usually wrong, so that has been holding me back. IF she does like me, she must think me quite the fool and rather incompotent by now. There is no doubt in my mind that she knows that I like her and I even - being the idiot I am - wrote her a note last night and slipped it under her door for her to read today. I figure that its about 8:30AM right now, so i've got at least 3, if not 4, hours before she gets up and reads it, with another 4 to 5 hours before I get home and have to 'face the music' if she has any sort of reaction to it. FYI, it was just basically asking her out to a movie or something tonight w/o the room mate tagging along. I feel like I am in highschool again. >.<
So yeah, two extreme curves at basically the same time. No wonder I've gotten only 10 hours of sleep since wednesday night.
Two weeks ago today my dad had his second heart surgery, this time one to replace a valve with a bovine valve and to have his Aorta replaced by a synthetic Aorta. I mean, holy cow, his fucking AORTA was replaced? The most major, vital blood artery in your entire body. Pretty serious stuff, and modern medicine is just amazing. I hate to think about the person who was the very first test subject for that type of surgery. The surgery went off without a hitch, apart from a stroke my dad suffered during it.
I saw him in the hospital before they knew he had a stroke and he was struggling just to give one word answers. After an MRI they discovered it had been a 'mild' stroke that was affecting his speech. In the 2 weeks its been since then, he has gotten progressively better despite his most unusual vocabulary. The best way to describe it is 'Sophisticated Englishman'. He has been using words i have never heard from him before, but at least he is able to respond relatively quickly now and can talk in sentences, though when answering a question it takes him a bit of time to respond.
Its been especially hard on my mom but luckily my older sister was down her for the surgery, and my younger sister arrived in time to take my dad home once he was released. I don't think he should come back to work for at least a month since he really needs and deserves an extended vacation free from the stress of work. He normally works 7 days a week which can't be good for him given his known heart conditions.
On the other end of the spectrum, I've fallen quite hard for a girl from Boston who happens to be my room mates best friend and has been staying with us for the past week and will be here through thursday morning before heading home to Boston. Its very rare for me to be able to say some one has a funnier accent then I (living in Florida, I have an English/NewJersey Accent and am immediately labeled a foreigner). She is a really amazing girl and we seemed to click right away. Well, after I got over the shock of coming downstairs and finding a stranger sitting on my couch (my room mate not having informed me anyone would be staying with us - good thing I wasn't walking around naked!).
Me being me, I am incapable of pulling a move despite getting the impression that she likes me. But half the time I think a girl is into me, I am usually wrong, so that has been holding me back. IF she does like me, she must think me quite the fool and rather incompotent by now. There is no doubt in my mind that she knows that I like her and I even - being the idiot I am - wrote her a note last night and slipped it under her door for her to read today. I figure that its about 8:30AM right now, so i've got at least 3, if not 4, hours before she gets up and reads it, with another 4 to 5 hours before I get home and have to 'face the music' if she has any sort of reaction to it. FYI, it was just basically asking her out to a movie or something tonight w/o the room mate tagging along. I feel like I am in highschool again. >.<
So yeah, two extreme curves at basically the same time. No wonder I've gotten only 10 hours of sleep since wednesday night.
Monday, July 20, 2009
Some Thoughts
So, I know no one reads this, but my Dad is right this minute in Heart Surgery again, having surgery to replace a valve or two. Its basically like having the 5-way-bypass-heart-surgery he had before, and they might need to do more then they expected. Not fun at all, but it got me thinking: does he have any regrets? I know its morbid, but I had to sign his 'living will' as a witness the other night, and there is always a chance of complication/infection/death.
Me, I was thinking about it last night. What do I regret? It depends how you look at it, and with what type of scope. From the HighSchool period, I'd say my biggest regret was probably breaking up with Katie Towt, especially in the manner in which I did it. Definately not something I am proud of or anything like that. In college, my biggest regret was giving Jenn a second chance once she cheated on me. I should have permanently ended my relationshio with her then. Of course, hindsight is a bitch, but thats how I would have done it.
Since graduating, I really regret moving to Florida, but didn't have much of a choice at the time. I still hate it down here and really can't see myself spending more then another year or two down here. But I really need the economy to rebound, so that i'll actually have a job wherever I end up moving to. The people down here really suck too, and don't have anything in common with me. I hate the sun, I hate the heat, and I hate the beach. They all love it.
-M-
Me, I was thinking about it last night. What do I regret? It depends how you look at it, and with what type of scope. From the HighSchool period, I'd say my biggest regret was probably breaking up with Katie Towt, especially in the manner in which I did it. Definately not something I am proud of or anything like that. In college, my biggest regret was giving Jenn a second chance once she cheated on me. I should have permanently ended my relationshio with her then. Of course, hindsight is a bitch, but thats how I would have done it.
Since graduating, I really regret moving to Florida, but didn't have much of a choice at the time. I still hate it down here and really can't see myself spending more then another year or two down here. But I really need the economy to rebound, so that i'll actually have a job wherever I end up moving to. The people down here really suck too, and don't have anything in common with me. I hate the sun, I hate the heat, and I hate the beach. They all love it.
-M-
Friday, April 24, 2009
Its been...
Almost exactly 3 months since I last posted here. Odd, how the urge to 'blog' occurs like that. To bring all 0-viewers up to speed, not a whole lot has happened in the last 3 months.
I've tried the whole online dating thing and have failed miserably. Did see one girl for a few weeks before she gave me the "not ready to get into a relationship" crap. I actually checked last night on Facebook and surprise surprise, guess who is listed in a new relationship? Girls will be girls. Its pretty disheartening, honestly, and what sliver of self-confidance I did have from actually striking things up with her was utterly shattered. I'm now at the point where i've come to realize that the online-dating thing just does not work AND that I am just not appealing to anyone, both looks (which are fugly to start with) and personality. It also reinforces the idea that not everyone is meant to be with some one, and a life of solitude seems to me what my life will be.
I've rarely ridden my bike too and I guess you could say I am battling bouts of depression. Nothing is looking up for me, I still hate Florida, and I still have 0-friends. Life really isn't peachy and right now, it royally sucks.
I'm about ready to give up on it and stop trying. I'm figureatively and literally a social reject.
I've tried the whole online dating thing and have failed miserably. Did see one girl for a few weeks before she gave me the "not ready to get into a relationship" crap. I actually checked last night on Facebook and surprise surprise, guess who is listed in a new relationship? Girls will be girls. Its pretty disheartening, honestly, and what sliver of self-confidance I did have from actually striking things up with her was utterly shattered. I'm now at the point where i've come to realize that the online-dating thing just does not work AND that I am just not appealing to anyone, both looks (which are fugly to start with) and personality. It also reinforces the idea that not everyone is meant to be with some one, and a life of solitude seems to me what my life will be.
I've rarely ridden my bike too and I guess you could say I am battling bouts of depression. Nothing is looking up for me, I still hate Florida, and I still have 0-friends. Life really isn't peachy and right now, it royally sucks.
I'm about ready to give up on it and stop trying. I'm figureatively and literally a social reject.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Where to start...
So, its been a while since I made a serious blog beyond all my mad ravings. This one will most likely turn into one. So, where to start.
I got to play detective again today, this time involving a car that was stolen yesterday in broad daylight. Our security cameras are horrible and really didn't pick anything up, other then the suspects car and when they stole the car. So, one month into the year and already 4 instances of crime where I work. What a *great* start to the year.
So, last weekend I went to the Highland Games on Saturday. Got burnt on my face, which has just about finished peeling now, leaving with with even more freckles. I did have fun with the live music, competitions, etc. I also got to experience a fried mars bar for the first time, along with some haggis (which is actually pretty good, despite how it sounds). If you don't know what haggis is, I believe it is a sheep heart and liver or something mixed up with some other stuff. Google is your friend as I can't be bothered to look it up right now. I also got to have some pretty decent Fish & Chips there too. I bought two flags - Ireland and Scottish - to go along with the English one I already have. I think i've got room on my wall for a Welsh flag, which would complete my collection.
Two weekends ago I went on my first bike ride in ages. I can't even remember the previous time I rode my bike. Did 30 minutes, few stops as I got lost in my own neighborhood. And yes, it took 30 minutes to ride down the major streets in the development here - its freaking huge but half foreclosed. I plan on doing the same tomorrow - well, a quick warmup then hit the real worlds and cycle through Windermere. Aiming for an hour long ride, depending how I feel.
On the downside, I think I might have another Sciatica (sp?) in my back, higher up then the first one. I discovered in this week after being in lots of pain over the weekend from spending most of saturday on my feet, then being an idiot and carrying heavy things around too. Its either another one, or a huge knot in my muscle. Its a lot bigger then the permament one and most definately a little concerning. I'll see how it is tomorrow and take a nice hot shower after my ride. I could really use a massage though.
This upcoming week is going to me an experiment of mine. I'm going to wake up at 5 AM (woot 2 hours of sleep!) everyday to go to the Gym for 30 - 60 mins in the morning before going to work. This should start to help me lose my goal of 20lbs by the time 2010 rolls around. Working on my diet is going to be tricky, since food is expensive when you're just trying to feed yourself, and I hate standing around in lines. I might ask Jackie what she does for lunch at work since she's all about eating healthy. Its a step in the right direction at least.
And yes, I need to lose 20lbs. People (of course) say that I am not fat, but I am. You can see it in my face and in my belly. Thats where al the fat goes. Its disgusting. I hate looking like this. And if i'm ever to get back on my own two feet as far as dating goes (hah, that'll be my 2010 resolution - find a girl who will actually want to hang out with me. 2011 will be on finding a relationship. But we're all going to die in 2012, so does it really matter?) the weight needs to go. No one likes a tubby guy like me.
On the music front, the forerunners on my playlist are still the following:
Seven Nations, Flogging Molly, The Young Dubliners, The Pogues, The Dropkick Murphys, Off Kilter, Enter the Haggis. A recent addition to the mix is a band called Sabaton, heavy metal who sing about WWII (which is actually pretty awesome). Of course, a Swedish band, so they fit right in their with Korpiklaani (A band from Finland).
I've also read a ton of books. I read about 4,000 pages during my two week christmas vacation from work. This week alone i've read at least another 500 pages and starting a brand new book that will push me to 1,000 pages on the week if I finish it. Now, if only I could start writing in such vast quantities again!
Well, thats it for now. Against better judgement I am posting this link back up on my facebook.
I got to play detective again today, this time involving a car that was stolen yesterday in broad daylight. Our security cameras are horrible and really didn't pick anything up, other then the suspects car and when they stole the car. So, one month into the year and already 4 instances of crime where I work. What a *great* start to the year.
So, last weekend I went to the Highland Games on Saturday. Got burnt on my face, which has just about finished peeling now, leaving with with even more freckles. I did have fun with the live music, competitions, etc. I also got to experience a fried mars bar for the first time, along with some haggis (which is actually pretty good, despite how it sounds). If you don't know what haggis is, I believe it is a sheep heart and liver or something mixed up with some other stuff. Google is your friend as I can't be bothered to look it up right now. I also got to have some pretty decent Fish & Chips there too. I bought two flags - Ireland and Scottish - to go along with the English one I already have. I think i've got room on my wall for a Welsh flag, which would complete my collection.
Two weekends ago I went on my first bike ride in ages. I can't even remember the previous time I rode my bike. Did 30 minutes, few stops as I got lost in my own neighborhood. And yes, it took 30 minutes to ride down the major streets in the development here - its freaking huge but half foreclosed. I plan on doing the same tomorrow - well, a quick warmup then hit the real worlds and cycle through Windermere. Aiming for an hour long ride, depending how I feel.
On the downside, I think I might have another Sciatica (sp?) in my back, higher up then the first one. I discovered in this week after being in lots of pain over the weekend from spending most of saturday on my feet, then being an idiot and carrying heavy things around too. Its either another one, or a huge knot in my muscle. Its a lot bigger then the permament one and most definately a little concerning. I'll see how it is tomorrow and take a nice hot shower after my ride. I could really use a massage though.
This upcoming week is going to me an experiment of mine. I'm going to wake up at 5 AM (woot 2 hours of sleep!) everyday to go to the Gym for 30 - 60 mins in the morning before going to work. This should start to help me lose my goal of 20lbs by the time 2010 rolls around. Working on my diet is going to be tricky, since food is expensive when you're just trying to feed yourself, and I hate standing around in lines. I might ask Jackie what she does for lunch at work since she's all about eating healthy. Its a step in the right direction at least.
And yes, I need to lose 20lbs. People (of course) say that I am not fat, but I am. You can see it in my face and in my belly. Thats where al the fat goes. Its disgusting. I hate looking like this. And if i'm ever to get back on my own two feet as far as dating goes (hah, that'll be my 2010 resolution - find a girl who will actually want to hang out with me. 2011 will be on finding a relationship. But we're all going to die in 2012, so does it really matter?) the weight needs to go. No one likes a tubby guy like me.
On the music front, the forerunners on my playlist are still the following:
Seven Nations, Flogging Molly, The Young Dubliners, The Pogues, The Dropkick Murphys, Off Kilter, Enter the Haggis. A recent addition to the mix is a band called Sabaton, heavy metal who sing about WWII (which is actually pretty awesome). Of course, a Swedish band, so they fit right in their with Korpiklaani (A band from Finland).
I've also read a ton of books. I read about 4,000 pages during my two week christmas vacation from work. This week alone i've read at least another 500 pages and starting a brand new book that will push me to 1,000 pages on the week if I finish it. Now, if only I could start writing in such vast quantities again!
Well, thats it for now. Against better judgement I am posting this link back up on my facebook.
Friday, January 16, 2009
The Sound of Silence
Wow. This week, I feel like people are all ignoring me. No one I IM every responds back. Nothing. No fucking response. Like I fell out of favor with people for some reason. This is what I mean about not having any friends. No one EVER IM's me first. Ever. And now they've all decided to ignore me at the same time. I fucking hate this shit. If only I could find some place to hide from the world entirely.
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