Take me for who I am.

I know I am rather scatter brained when it comes to these blogs, but its not like anyone is even reading them (except for me) and it lets me get things off my chest (so to speak) that I otherwise wouldn't be able to get off. So my trouble sleeping, despite yesterday morning being the last pill I had to take, continue, and last night was pretty rough. A lot of hallucinating/not sure what was a dream-what was real type of stuff. Anyways, I was just thinking about things that set me off etc when it comes to relationships.

Take me for who I am, not who I am not.

I really don't know how to say it any better then that. Looking back at my past relationship, I think she took me for who I am not (her ex) rather then for who I am (me). Its a relatively simple explanation I guess, but I think its fitting.

I don't try to pretend to be something/someone I am not. I will freely admit I'm not a manly-man...i never go to the gym to pump weights, i don't drink or do drugs, I don't get in trouble (with friends/family, the law), I don't act all tough, and I don't socialize well. But thats just the way I am, whether you like it or not.

Physically, i'm not the biggest guy and I know that. I can hold my own, but chances are i'm not going to make you feel 'secure'. I like to avoid conflict too, so i tend to run away from things. I've never been a social person, and think I am just one of those people who sorta floats around between groups (like I did in HS) with no real friends. Its better off that way - non of that stupid macho bullshit of guys trying to one-up each other, hit on each others girls, prove who can drink more, etc. Call me what you will, but i'm just not a competitive guy in that manner. I don't feel the need to compensate for my short comings.

I don't compete in that manner: I am the take-it-or-leave-it kind of guy. I don't compete for attention/love. If you're trying to play me off of other guys or something, then you might as well not bother including me in the scenario. Like above, i'm not going to act any different to win something then I normally would act. So don't bring extra baggage into a relationship. If I can't provide you with all the attention you need, then obviously we aren't meant to be together.

I can think of several instances where this was a factor in things. Don't play me. Past and present relationships haven't worked out because there were other guys that factored in. I don't do the rebound thing, or the fallback thing either. As far as ex's are concerned, they shouldn't factore into our relationship at all. No talking to them, no hanging out with them, etc. It complicates things more then they are worth. Look elsewhere if you still want them in part of your life. I don't deal with crap like that.

So, take me for who I am, not who I am not. And don't expect anything different. Sure, I will mold around whoever I am dating, as is natural thing to do, but don't expect me to go from anti-social to social-butterfly. Its not going to happen.