I make no pretense about how much I 'love' Orlando. The people suck. The roads suck. The weather sucks. Everything sucks. The only times it doesn't suck are when there are 'hurricanes' (Fey was a disappointment) or the powerful T-Storms that blow through, or the rain. I was happy to hear the sound of rain when I woke up this morning. Sure enough, it was raining as I drove into work. It changes the landscape. It hides the ugliness of Orlando. It offers a new type of risk. It breaks the monotony of life down here.
I hate it so much down here. For reasons already explained. I think I am going to give it another year- until Thanksgiving '09 before I pack up and leave. Not sure where I would head, but I just can't take it anymore down here. I think I am going to go to New Zealand. Its a beautiful country, low key, and far enough away from people that no one will be visiting me. And the 12 hour time zone difference - perfect! I'd be able to bike too, maybe even commute to work that way, and the people are much more friendly.
Friday, October 24, 2008
Monday, October 13, 2008
I'm so tired...
...of feeling sick everyday, not being able to sleep, and having people think I have some mental disorder (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger_syndrome).
Yeah, I'd have to agree that there is something wrong with me, but the hell if I know what it is. Some things have been afflicting me for so long now that they seem to be the 'normal', to the point where I can't remember a time when they were any different. And sleep....don't get me started on sleeping.
Every morning, when I wake up, my sheet and the heavier cover - once aligned - are completely separated. The sheet is all twisted, the cover is flipped so the 'design' is face down. And my pillows, well, they are all over the place. And that's with only maybe 4 hours of sleep. It takes me hours to fall asleep, and then I usually start waking up around 4PM or earlier, depending on whether its a 'good' night or not. Today, I was up for good at 5:30 AM and ended up getting out of bed at 6, unable to lay around anymore. I got into work at 7AM, 2 hours before anyone else will even show up. Which is why I am sitting here in a stupor writing this.
The weekends are no different. I was actually able to lay around until 8AM on Saturday before getting out of bed! Thats the first time in a long time i've been able to do that and not go crazy. Funny, since I lack the motivation to get up and exercise.
So yeah, I am tired of it all. Somethings wrong with me and I don't know what and am not going to do anything about it.
Yeah, I'd have to agree that there is something wrong with me, but the hell if I know what it is. Some things have been afflicting me for so long now that they seem to be the 'normal', to the point where I can't remember a time when they were any different. And sleep....don't get me started on sleeping.
Every morning, when I wake up, my sheet and the heavier cover - once aligned - are completely separated. The sheet is all twisted, the cover is flipped so the 'design' is face down. And my pillows, well, they are all over the place. And that's with only maybe 4 hours of sleep. It takes me hours to fall asleep, and then I usually start waking up around 4PM or earlier, depending on whether its a 'good' night or not. Today, I was up for good at 5:30 AM and ended up getting out of bed at 6, unable to lay around anymore. I got into work at 7AM, 2 hours before anyone else will even show up. Which is why I am sitting here in a stupor writing this.
The weekends are no different. I was actually able to lay around until 8AM on Saturday before getting out of bed! Thats the first time in a long time i've been able to do that and not go crazy. Funny, since I lack the motivation to get up and exercise.
So yeah, I am tired of it all. Somethings wrong with me and I don't know what and am not going to do anything about it.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Another Weekend Wasted
Just sitting here, nothing to do, no where to go. Same old story, really. Been looking lately at finding a Soccer League, just for something to do, but of course, my life story even finds me here: The Wrong Side of Town. Everything is on the OTHER side of Orlando. Not to mention the season is already in full swing, so I will have to wait till February. Hopefully a team has an opening for me then. I just really need to get out and have a change of scenery every once in a while. My room is getting awfully small since I never seem to leave it these days.
Blah.
Blah.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Brief Update
So saw the ankle doctor yesterday. Got to have a needle stuck into my ankle joint and wiggled around, until he figured that the needle was clogged. So he got a new one and did the same thing, though this one actually worked. THAT was fun. Felt good, actually, afterwards, but today...PAIN in the joint! He said it would feel stiff, not painful. Hopefully thats not a bad thing? Really only hurts going up and down the stairs. And laying down with knees bent during physical therapy for the back.
Worst case scenario with the ankle, since i naturally walk on outside of feet, is to have surgery where they break my heel bone and reset it so i walk more along the inside of my foot - as it is, i risk suffering chronic ankle issues. They could also go in and clean up the scar-tissue. Neither sound too fun, and I'd rather avoid both if possible.
Back therapy is helping, though i think its a problem i am always going to live with. In all honesty, I think the root of its cause is the ankle, and the subtle motions i take when walking due to bad ankle.
On a side note, the receptionist at Physical Therapy place is pretty cute. She addresses me by first name these days, but I am too shy to really talk back to her. I day-dream of asking her out to dinner, but fear of rejection and just utter lack of self confidence won't ever allow me to do that, as much as i dream about the pleasant...results of such a thing. But I am fat and ugly and very unattractive. People only stare at me because of my vast amount of freckles, and fatness. I am just destined to live the rest of my life alone in solitude.
Ah, such is life. Nothing ever goes my way these days.
Worst case scenario with the ankle, since i naturally walk on outside of feet, is to have surgery where they break my heel bone and reset it so i walk more along the inside of my foot - as it is, i risk suffering chronic ankle issues. They could also go in and clean up the scar-tissue. Neither sound too fun, and I'd rather avoid both if possible.
Back therapy is helping, though i think its a problem i am always going to live with. In all honesty, I think the root of its cause is the ankle, and the subtle motions i take when walking due to bad ankle.
On a side note, the receptionist at Physical Therapy place is pretty cute. She addresses me by first name these days, but I am too shy to really talk back to her. I day-dream of asking her out to dinner, but fear of rejection and just utter lack of self confidence won't ever allow me to do that, as much as i dream about the pleasant...results of such a thing. But I am fat and ugly and very unattractive. People only stare at me because of my vast amount of freckles, and fatness. I am just destined to live the rest of my life alone in solitude.
Ah, such is life. Nothing ever goes my way these days.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Update
MRI revealed nothing of note, though the problem persists. The meds made me sick, but I don't have to take them anymore, and physical therapy so far hasn't shown any real results. I must admit that the back issue is not as...powerful as it was before, but it is still there. I am due to meet with the Ankle Doctor next Tuesday and will most likely need to get an MRI done on my hip if the ankle/groin thing happens again this weekend.
Oh yeah, going back into the Swamp this Sunday. Got to set up a tree stand, and scout out the other area (north side). Apparently, no one ever thought to make a map of the area (perhaps because it is a swamp?) which would be incredibly useful...alas, 'useful' and 'florida' don't belong in the same sentence.
Oh yeah, going back into the Swamp this Sunday. Got to set up a tree stand, and scout out the other area (north side). Apparently, no one ever thought to make a map of the area (perhaps because it is a swamp?) which would be incredibly useful...alas, 'useful' and 'florida' don't belong in the same sentence.
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