Whispers the Wind...

I'm a loner and I do not have any friends. I am not going to get in a debate about what classifies as a friend, but I clearly do not have any. Nor do I need any. I've come to the conclusion that the only person I can trust is myself, and that I came to that conclusion during Freshman year of HS. I'm done with relationships and drama. Nothing is ever as it seems. And I don't think I'll ever be able to bring myself to trust some one again. My fondest memory from college says a lot about this.

I went to school at Susquehanna University, in the Middle-of-nowhere, PA. A small school of 2,000 and a smaller town. Beautiful campus, especially in the winter - which is also where this memory takes place. As my room mate at the time can attest, I'd bundle up in jeans, winter boots, t-shirt, winter jacket, and my Arsenal wool hat, along with my ipod (slipped inside interior pocket of my jacket) and I'd head outside. Always after 9PM. Walking the perimeter of campus twice in a row at the least was my most favorite thing to do. The cold, crisp air is more then refreshing. The whiteness of the snow in the lamplight, lying untouched across the ground, crunching under my feet, settling on my shoulders. That was pure bliss.

The world takes on a different appearance at such a time, majestic in its beauty and a far cry from how I know it really is. It all combines to clear my head, let me collect my thoughts and just chill out with out any sort of interruption or unwanted noise. No cars would drive by, I'd maybe - maybe - see a handful of people at best the entire time.

I miss being able to do that. I miss cold weather. And snow. The closest I came to that same sort of bliss was when Tropical Storm Fay came by, and I went in my parents pool during the worst of it. I'd lay in the pool, two noodles keeping me afloat, ears under the water so I couldn't hear the howling of the pool, and the pattering of the rain was only faint. That sort of calmness in the middle of such a storm, clouds swirling overhead, is very had to replicate. It would have been better if I was home alone and knew my parents couldn't look out and see me, but one can only hope for so much.

I'm going to return to the North one day, where the cold does reign and the snow does fall. I need that solitude, that shelter, that calmness. Its the one thing I am missing most in my life, and I plan to take my last week off work this year in between Christmas and New Years Day, and hopefully spend it somewhere cold and snowing.